Designs On Me
by CookingKiller
Summary: -Shawn/Hunter/Stephanie- 'They work, in their own crazy way. Three's completion. Three's perfect. They're perfect.'
1. One

_Start might be set at the Raw in San Antonio from weeks ago. Or not. It's irrevelant. They just need to be in San Antonio._

_Also, there be slash._

* * *

She likes it here, in his arms.

They're different. The sensation is different. And now, now that she doesn't have to feel any guilt for liking it here, she can just be soothed and let her breathing slow down. Because it's what he does to her, soothing. The other set of arms light a fire in her, they're warm, full of passion. These are strong, and protective, and they won't let go. They won't, until it's time for him to leave. Because supposedly, three's a crowd after too long. So he always leaves, at some point, and...it's just stupid. Because she knows he doesn't need to. Never needs to.

And that's why she likes it here, in his town.  
The night will be different. This time he won't have to leave. They'll be right there, at his home and she, she won't think three's a crowd and leave. It's not the way it should go. They work, in their own (crazy) way. Three's completion. Three's perfect. They're perfect.

"Looks like your husband's coming back, Steph."

People are talking, far in the cold parking lot.

She glares at him from his chest. _Your husband_. No need to stress that point. It's the only thing breaking the perfection, and she wants to make it better, caressing his cheeks, grinding her thumbs against the stubble there, and brushing her lips against his before pressing them. Forcefully, to make her point, turn the kiss open-mouthed, and slow, long. Make him feel. Feel just how much...

And of course, he's the one pulling away first.

He also licks his lips, and she smiles at that. Wonders what kind of flavor he's tasting.

He nods towards the frontseats. "You should go sit."

Right. Should, should, should. So often used between them.

Like the first time he looked at her that particular way and she gazed back – _we shouldn't. _Like the first time she kissed him (still remembers the thrill) – _we shouldn't_. And even like back then, the first time the two men realized they were more than just friends, more than just anything, _we shouldn't_. And like the first time they all agreed. _We should..._

A last peck on his mouth, and she settles next to the driver seat, glances outside. Hunter is walking fast towards the car, Game face on, and her heart skips a beating. As always, at his sight.

She can hear Shawn moving around behind her, and looks over her shoulder to see him lay down on the backseats, yawning. Stretch a little. And part of her just wants to go back there and snuggle against him. He notices her eyes on him, smiles, and Hunter opens the door.

She grins, automatically. A quick kiss, she tries to linger. A few words – can't help but make her laugh - and he starts the engine. Looks at the rearview mirror after a while, eyes searching, brows knitting. Her hand finds its way on his thigh, needing the contact.

"Hurt your back?"

Shawn doesn't bother moving. "Just tired."

"So...same roads as last time, I guess." Speeds up a little. Puts the wipers on, it's raining outside.

"Yeah."

A bigger hand joins hers.

And he doesn't say anything, just moves his head. _Get in the back if you want_. It's only then she realizes her fingers were gripping his leg, tightly, dugging into the denim. While she was looking over her shoulder, again. And he's "just tired", so they shouldn't worry, _we_ _shouldn't_, but she nods and awkwardly leaves her seat for his.

Like earlier, he sees her and smiles. Chuckles even, "I'm fine."

But she cares, wants to take care of him. Doesn't care though, that he's actually fine. If he's actually fine.

She just repeats the process, it's an eternal one, her hands and her lips on his face. He responds, but just lays there. She barely registers the rythmic sound of the wipers against the windshield, the rain against the windows, their own sounds when tongues touch.

And between kisses, she whispers, "wanna go sit next to Hunter?"

Seems surprised. Still, when he slowly nods his head yes. She grins down at him, then watches as he climbs into the front. His hand steals her spot on the firm thigh. She steals his spot on the backseat, happily, stretching out, more tired than she thought. Hears the sweet sound of lips meeting, briefly. Wishes she could have seen, her eyes still closed. And the car keeps speeding up.

*

The blinds filter the sun, make it trace shiny lines on the bed, on Hunter's face and hair. Still sleeping, soundly.

She smiles, always thinks of the day, the first time she woke up next to him (some too heartfelt "are you okay", too long stares, too awkward moment, and it happened, _it had to happen someday_). The sun just wasn't so bright outside, and there wasn't another arm wrapped around her waist, a forehead pressed on the back of her neck. His hand is light on her belly, which starts to annoyingly screams for food. Kills her perfect wake up session.

She doesn't want to move – too comfortable, and the white sheets tangled around her legs want to keep her shackled here – but the need for caffeine adds up to the groaning of her stomach and she tries to sit up, sighing while the bed spring squeaks.

Hunter's arm starts to easily slip off her side... The one around her tightens its grip.

Right, his arms, _they won't let go_.

So she slowly falls back (the spring squeaks again) and turns around, worsening the tangling of the sheets. He's awake. She wonders for how long he's been, and how could she even begin to think of leaving them both here so early. For...food. And...coffee. When she was craving for a morning like that, in the first place. When she thought she'd never be the one to go. And it seems like nothing, just another morning, one of them getting out of bed early not meaningful. Except it always is, meaningful. Anything is, when it comes to them.

Thinks of a first time again. The sun just wasn't here at all, outside, and there was another body pressed against her. Her and Shawn, they never woke up alone.

Blue eyes sleepily look at her. The sunlight doesn't reach them. He's not smiling, and her smile faded a long time ago.

With that arm he drags her closer, then lifts it up and locks of her hair are brushed away, her eyes close by themselves. Fingers stay still on her skin. Tingles a little.

"Was going to make breakfast." Whispered. Even if a parade wouldn't wake Hunter up. It's having their faces so close, maybe. She'll never understand, why it makes her speak in hushed tones. Like sharing secrets.

Shawn finally smiles, and unlike the sun it reaches his eyes. They look over her shoulder for a second.

He whispers too. "I'll wake him up." And that smirk he's sporting tells her it's going to be in his own special way.

This time she can sit up, untangle her legs. Gooseflesh rises on them and her arms when she leaves the warmth of the bed for good, and she searches for her clothes (never really pays attention to where they land after Hunter discards them). Some shifting behind her, this time she can turn and see when Shawn kisses him, pushing him on his back with hands that soon run all over skin and disappear under white fabric. Mouth then following. And somewhere in the back of her mind - behind all the pleasure, love, need, good feelings - there's the thought that they're not really all three again.

Hunter starts frowning and mumbling tiredly, gasps at something Shawn did, and she steps out of the room. They never got to wake up alone either.


	2. Two

Stephanie waits until those eyes meet hers again, and just mouths the words. Looking straight into them, even from afar.

Weeks passed, and we're not in Texas anymore. They're lost in a sea of people – a sea of witnesses, but nobody seems to realize. She smiles a little, Shawn doesn't really. Still doesn't. Walks towards them, and speaks low.

"Don't know how you guys do it." Yawns, a little.

"You get used to it." He rubs his eyes. "You should just attend more events like that."

He mumbles something about 'boring', questions the purpose of the whole thing somewhere, and looks around with feign interest.

She listens to the idle chatter again. Thinks about how she dreamed to be talking to the 'suits' when she was little – stolen high heels from her mom at her feet – using words adults use (they still sound complicated, sometimes). Wasn't so old, yet, when they both first appeared.

"Can I steal your wife a few minutes?" Grinning now.

She glares (like always). He needs to stop. Doing that, calling them by what they actually are. She wants to ignore it. They need to ignore it.

Meanwhile Hunter had just laughed a yes, busying himself talking with various old guys; those 'officials' she had wanted to converse with, now regularly forgetting the names of, yet whose numbers fill her cellphone.

Doesn't really want to leave him here, but he's used to it. _He_ got used to it.

And she's following Shawn, to somewhere. Trying not to stare at his back _(lower)_ seconds too long.

Settles for walking next to him instead, little fingers brushing inadvertendly from times to times. Trying not to grab his hand. It's just a little, but it's enough. Skin of the digit tingling.

But then, he does; grab her hand.

And she looks around frantically, ready to jump right out of her skin. Hand jumps right out of his.

He sighs, "sorry", and she doesn't know what to think.

What he's thinking. What she's thinking. Feels terrible, feels she was right, feels terrible. Just sees feet moving, her own, others', _one, two, one two_, and all the sounds mix and fade. All a steady background noise. And (like always) she doesn't care if he's actually fine. Feels terrible.

So she gets closer, and whispers the words she just mouthed earlier. And it's not enough. A little is not enough, right at this moment. Because if she doesn't do anything. What, then. What if he leaves again, _for good_, because three's a crowd, because she didn't care enough; Hunter can hold her hand, Hunter can get kisses, and. And she's worrying _(too much)_ again.

And everyday, it comes to this.

Worsening.

Stands in front of him, stopping those feet (hurt hers). Kisses his left cheek soundly, scraps the stubble on the right one with her thumb (like always), trapping his face. _Make him feel, make him feel_. Stays seconds too long, and lips leave a wet spot.

He sighs her name then, in that way only he can. Drawing it out, turning it into some kind of melody.

And in that moment, Stephanie almost wants to forget everything, just everything, and give it all up for more than a peck on the cheek.

Another one will do. _(giving up everything)_

And another. _ (but he's everything)_

And another. And still those words (_I love you_) breathed in-between. And another.

Then, walks backwards. Forces a laugh. A nice, fake one.

Only sees him (_not smiling_), but she knows, in that stupid part at the back of her head, people are around. People, probably staring. So, let's make it a close friendship moment. A nice, fake one.

She wants them to be possible, intimate moments with Shawn in public.

Simply, to be as close as she can, simply to be near him. And look out. For said suspicious stares. For those women who feel they have the right to flirt with him; like... like that blonde bitch this morning who dared to_ wink_ at him ("_she's not supposed to know I belong to you, sweetheart_ "). Shouldn't happen again.

Moments just need to be nice and...

And slowly, she goes back to reality. Out of their own ephemeral universe.

He's back at walking, faster, in another direction, she's back at following him, catching up with quick steps. Little fingers keep making slight contact.

*

The constant background noise of the crowd is faint now, behind the locked door of a tiny room that could very well be a closet, and over all the whimpers and harsh breathing.

Weirdly exciting, always, to be up against a wall she doesn't see, blindly reaching for and caressing skin, keeping legs wrapped around his waist tightly enough.

The stifling smell of a confined space gradually ignored.

The hardest part, always, is to get into the room unnoticed. Can't pretend you needed to be two to go in there looking for random objects, and got lost on the way. They searched and found, some time _(centuries) _ago, the ideal office, the one nobody paid attention to, might as well doesn't exist. Probably aren't the only ones using it. Using it that way. _(It's high school all over again)_

She attempts to muffle her moans in his neck, and in her daze feels fingers digging into her side and clasping her hand. Shouts from somewhere in the arena fade away along with theirs, and he can't carry her much longer. Both slowly slide down to the dusty floor.

Shifting lazily, she tries to get more comfortable against him, just won't drop his hand. And he's not clearly seeing where he kisses her, all over her face. Like her, sweet pecks, whispered words.

She starts fumbling around for her shirt, but now it's her mouth he's kissing; she gives up. Shawn is warm enough.

And won't let go.

"Don't go." Hushed tones, but so loud in the small space. "Don't go home, go back with us." Uselessly tries to discern his features. "Like, you're invited. Just...our guest?"

He sighs, and says nothing. Plays with her hair.

So, she goes on. _Make him, make him understand. _Whispering.

"I wanna wake up next to you."

"Steph..." No melody when he calls her that. And silence. Then, "alright."

She doesn't know what part of his face she's kissing, but does it forcefully. And almost wants to add, _you belong to me,_ instead of the usual words.


	3. Three

_Thanks for the reviews ! Hope this doesn't suck._

May 1st edit : the two last lines were somehow missing. Eek.

* * *

Sprawled on the couch. Calls, busy schedule and various moronic people almost always keep her, and Hunter, from just...doing nothing. And she knows she'd go crazy if it would suddenly stop someday – boredom is a scary thing. Yet, she likes it here, from time to time. Her body resting on theirs, legs on Shawn's, and Hunter's lap pillowing her head.

First time in weeks she can stay like that, and feel warm hands on her ankles. First time in weeks she can stay like that, and she could stay like that for hours, and her neck will ache, but how could she even begin to care.

Hunter sent a few messages instead of her (like always), now tries to understand what they're watching, exactly. It has southern people, it has vampires, and he fails to make the connection. Is not really willing to bother, either. She knows, they're watching because she's watching. Always fun, though, to look at their confused and focused faces.

But Shawn gave up, it seems. She feels fingers running from her feet to her knees, and back.

Takes a look at Hunter; interested. He finally got what's going on, maybe. She keeps the big grin on her face, and turns back to the TV, forgetting her precious surroundings, caught in the story. Aware of them talking in hushed tones, at times.

Then the louder commercials are back (buy a fake real silver cross), and Hunter's hand in her hair feels wonderful. Lets his legs level up her upper body, her arms wrapping around his neck so lips can touch.

Remembers, all the times she had to pretend liking it here, in his arms, kissing him (didn't last for long). Arms were around him the same way, they smiled the same way. He tasted the same. She thought something should have changed, in-between.  
Guesses she just never experienced what it's like; not to have her heartbeat speeding up. Not to love him.

She lingers. Shawn is right here, next to them, not moving away. Fingers drawing patterns on her skin. He doesn't feel left out, _does he_. _Shouldn't. _But she ends the kiss then, turning her head on the side. Hunter starts planting kisses on her neck.  
She sighs, and sets her eyes on Shawn.

His are boring into her, unblinking. With that particular look.

_(That look; it started it all, didn't it.)_

Her legs are firmly caught in his hands, and again, again he's not smiling.  
And she doesn't like it. Never really thought anything of it before. She doesn't like it now.

Her own smile fades away. Doesn't understand (anymore). Wants to mouth the words, but Hunter's lips reached her collarbone, and she can't help but stop looking, throwing her head back.

Feels Shawn moving then, her legs free. And worried, instantly. Not Hunter, still nipping at her throat.

But he's right here, next to her, kneeling beside the leather couch, and she can see his mouth twist upwards _(relief) _before he kisses her; the way she always does, with him. Face trapped, tilted on the side, a simple brush of lips before real contact. Almost intoxicating (and her neck will ache, but how could she even begin to care).  
Then, whispers the words. First. The way he rarely does. Thumb passing over her lower lip.

A shuddering breathe, and he's gone.

And thighs are supporting her head again. She can see where he went, now; behind the couch. Arms loose around Hunter, forehead pressed against a shoulder. Silent. Hand still passing through her hair, Hunter whispers in his ear. Things. Sweet things, maybe. She can only watch his lips move. Is sure Shawn's don't.

Then he lifts up his head, pecks Hunter on the cheek slowly (_so cute_, like always) and simply say "bedtime", already walking away.

*

"I think he was going to wear that shirt, you know."

Swiftly turns away from the kitchen sink, startled. And eventually shrugs.

Never really stopped wearing Hunter's numerous black t-shirts (not the same skulls), since the first night she did. And her arms are covered too, now, long sleeves of Shawn's shirt going all the way past her hands. Loves to _(swim in)_ wear their clothes. For the feeling. And the scent.

Warm arms are wrapped around her, as she focuses back on the heating water. Hot breathe on her ear.

He tugs at the shirt a little.

"You're wearing him over me."

His tone.

She doesn't know what to say, sets wide eyes on his. _Him over me._ Then he laughs, kisses her on the nose. _Doesn't mean anything._ And his arms get tighter. _Why should it?_

"Next time you could—" Stops, thinks. "Actually, just wear nothing." Eyebrows wiggle.

And she manages to laugh too. "Alright." Watches the hot chocolate fill her mug (coffee does nothing for insomnia), her movements slightly restrained. "Next time I'll wear nothing under his shirt." _Humor, keep it up. _And before he can reply with something witty, "can't sleep?"

Hands easily slip under the large t-shirt. Stay there. "Shawn's snoring." Same tone.

She just chuckles. And doesn't touch the liquid yet, too hot. "Shouldn't leave him alone." Looks at the smoke going up in the air, Hunter's hands slightly going up on her skin.

"Well while you two were busy getting lost in some closet..." Same tone.

_(You belong to me) _"That's...different." He laughs. "We didn't marry _him_." And maybe, kind of a stupid thing to say.

"And you'd feel the same way if he was the husband in the lot." A different tone, now. _(You're wearing him over me)  
_She quickly turns at that, almost knocking the hot cup over, eyes wide. And he kisses her nose, again.

And, hoarsely (as her voice always gets, in those moments), "of course I would !" Hands close on her back now. "I just...I'm just..." _So_. "I want that thing to work..." _Overly. _"I don't want him to go." _Worried._

A gentle smile, and it's like magic. He nods. "It's still fresh."

She nods back. And presses against him, breasts against his chest and lips against his ear. "You know I love you." Hushed tones, of course. "Just want to..to make him feel—"

"He knows."

And she sighs. Rests her head on his shoulder; where Shawn's was, hours ago. Her eyes fall, and. It's a moving shadow she's seeing.

"Shawn?"

And nothing.


	4. Four

She woke up alone that morning, heard a shower and Hunter's laugh. Wonderfully infectious.

Saw Shawn sitting on the side of the bathtub while passing by the room later. Head in his hands. She entered the room, a little worried, and he slowly looked up.

She never asked if it was him she'd seen the night before. Wouldn't want to bring on a conversation that could be awkward. That could turn out bad. If he stayed in the shadows, if he doesn't want her to know, if he didn't say anything, it can only mean...

"Something wrong?" she asks.

He's staring ahead, driving fast. But Shawn is the one who insisted on coming with her and drive, after all, it can only mean...he wants to talk. Or spend time just with her? _(you're wearing him over me) _...he wants to talk.

And it's all Stephanie notices now, the smile that isn't here. Something else she wants to ask about.

"I kind of miss your smile." She gives a small one he can't see, looking at the other side while turning the wheel. He sighs a little.

Several seconds pass. "I'm...I'm gonna go back home."

And more seconds of silence. She doesn't know what to say. There's an obvious 'why' that passes through her mind, and then... "You don't like it here?" Fingers grip the seat tightly.

He shakes his head, sighs again. And remains silent.

Then something else passes through her mind, and she blurts it out immediately, talking fast. Without really thinking about it.

"I'm going with you."

He blinks slowly. "Your husband might not—"

"Stop it." Glances at her this time. "Calling us husband, wife, and all; just..." Hand waves in the air.

"You can't ignore it, sweetheart." The car stops, waiting for the light to turn green.

"But I want to", she croaks. "Because it's not...it's not us and you, it's us three." His hands are still on the wheel, and her fingers touch his. "You know that." Not really a statement. Shawn merely frowns.

And heavy silence falls. The car goes forward again, and still nothing. Her hand has to go back on her lap.

Quiet for too long, she tries again. "We all love each other, right?"

He swallows. "I don't know if..." Ponders something for a second, and sigh. "Wasn't such a great idea. Us three."

"What?" Her throat tightens. He clears his.

"You... Hunter is...a little left out."

Her heartbeat is getting frantic. "No ! He's... He understands I just want..." Another glance at her. "To take care of you. I don't want _you_ to be left out..." Grabs his sleeve. "Alright, I-I won't go with you and I'll stop paying so much attention to you and..." He doesn't seem convinced. "Don't leave?"

And now he looks pained. It's just getting worse. It feels like those times, before they fixed everything. Months and months ago. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Three's perfect, three's completion, three's perfect, three's...

"I can't do that to him." His voice isn't steady.

"I said I'll stop !" Even if, she doesn't really know what to stop, exactly.

He sighs, again. Like she didn't understand what he really meant. "I don't really want you to." The car turns on the right. And Shawn is almost murmuring. "I love you."

Feels good to hear those words, like always. But they're still said without a smile. Without anything positive, not in his tone, not in his eyes. Nothing. "Nothing...nothing's really wrong with that. I told you, he—"

"No, Stephanie..." Keeps talking quietly. "That's not it. I..." He looks at her, longer than he should. She can't help but checks what's on the road before them. And hears nothing more.

"Come on." Back of her hand on his cheek, brushing.

"I like...I like when it's just you and me." And he sounds so guilty about it.

"Well, me too." She tries to smile again. He's going too, sometime, right?

But he's moving his head; she didn't understand again. "I think...I _know_...I like it more." Barely audible over all the traffic. She almost wishes she couldn't hear him at all. "I love you more."

Words are stuck in her throat. All she can think of, that it's all her fault...  
She's reminded of all the kisses, the hushed tones, the 'I love you's, and always he had that particular look on. She had mistaken it for loneliness, or resentment sometimes, and it made her want to take care of him more than anything else. But what it was...

And he gradually stopped smiling. She thought, she thought they'd fixed everything months and months ago. Shawn did too, probably. It wasn't supposed to be this way. The smile faded while the guilt was welling up, surely. All she can think of...

She wanted to make him feel. And now...now, it's like...like she shouldn't have.

She speaks without thinking again. "You can't..."

"I still love him enough to know I—"

She tries to get closer. "You can't leave me." And it should be 'us'. She's messing up again. And there's still a voice, in the back of her head; she ignores it. Like she never did before. That voice had probably always sounded like her father. "You belong to me." Words are deformed, she's tearing up. And it shouldn't feel so natural to say something like that...should it.

It's a little smile she's seeing. Finally. "I do."

"Then, Shawn..."

He sniffs a little, and the car is slowing down in front of the store. "We're here" he adds, uselessly. Gets out of the car before she can say anything.

*

They walk slowly towards the entrance, side by side, silent. It seems she can't word her thoughts... It seems he has nothing more to say.

And it's still incredible, how panicked she can get, when it's about his leaving. And now that he says it's going to happen...she can't even speak. Now that he says it's going to happen, the worst solutions come to her mind. 'Hunter doesn't have to know you love him less'. 'Hunter will never feel so left out'. 'You need attention more than him'. They all sound, feel, terrible. All that, it was so she, anybody, didn't have to choose one over the other. And now...

And now that terrible side of her, it's almost rejoicing. _He loves _me. _He belongs to _me.

She feels like she's a kid, again. Trying to be all grown-up with her stolen shoes. Still acting her age. How cruel kids can be, when it comes to who they like and dislike, who they prefer, what they want. She wants to keep her Shawnie, and it doesn't matter if he has to lie because of that, if she has to hide things from Hunter because of that, if Hunter is going to be put aside sometimes. The princess should always get what she wants.

Stephanie looks at him, feels herself tearing up some more. Little fingers brush, like always.

Her hand slips into his.

And for one second she feels (not think, she stopped thinking correctly a long time ago) it's going to mirror what happened, he's going to freak out and let her go, because he 'can't'. Do that in front of those people they don't even know the name of. Do that to him.

But he's not her, and her fingers are squeezed between bigger ones. Kind of hurts.

_I love you_

It keeps repeating.

_I love you more_

And the things he didn't really say. Liking it better when it's just the two of them...he wants her, only for him. And that, that's surely what 'he can't do to him'.

"What did you want to buy already?"

He's suddenly smiling again, and she has to grin back. "Some sugary things..." Grin even larger, wrinkles her nose. And like the kid she is, she thinks maybe she could keep Shawnie with a few cookies and a large cheesecake as tempting baits.

And here it is, that look. And he pecks her on the cheek, like it's the most natural thing in the world. Stays one second too long. _And isn't that what you wanted._

She dares to ask quietly, "you still want to leave?" and his smile fades.

"I'm just afraid it could get worse."

_So he's scared too?_ "Get worse?"

Shawn just looks at their entwined hands. And they're ready to enter the building, he looses his grip. Silently asking what she wants. She doesn't let go, and steps in.

He answers her question only after a while. "I'm going to want that..." Takes a look at their hands again. "I'm going to want you alone with me more and more everyday and if you let me he might even believe...you're choosing me...over him, and—"

And they know she would give in everytime. "You can explain it to him !"

She gets an incredulous stare. "How, 'sorry, I'm more in love with your wife, can I try to take her from you? You married her but can I get all the attention?'"

And the childish part is talking again. "And what if I _want_ to choose you?"

_Don't say that._

He's looking sad again. "You shouldn't."  
_Shouldn't shouldn't shouldn't_. Like always.

And her thoughts are all messed up, so she shows instead of speaking. Clings to him, feels his arms wrap around her after a moment, and she lifts up her head. It's the first time, probably the first time they're kissing in such a public place, somewhere in a store instead of some small closet. And that thrill, the one she felt the first time she kissed him at all, it doesn't seem to go away. It's getting stronger. _It's getting worse._

Thumbs brush the stubble on his cheeks, like always. And they're close, so she's whispering, "give this another chance." Blue eyes won't meet hers. "Don't go..." That worked last time.

And her cellphone rings.

A small smirk. "Wondering where his wife is."

She checks the message, hand a little shaky. Doesn't bother glaring at him. Hunter is just telling her he's back home, but she answers with the only urgent thought in her mind at that moment. '_Shawn wants to leave us'. _

And he's speaking again. "So...you'd really choose me...?" Message sent. "You'd go with me?" His tone sounds almost hopeful. But when she looks up, it's the same sad face she sees.

"I'm not..." _I don't know._ "I'm not supposed to choose." Her face as close to his as possible. "I swear we'll work, Shawn. It'll get better."


	5. Five

_This is it.  
Well, it wasn't even supposed to be multi-chaptered in the first place. Maybe this should have stayed a one-shot in the end heh. _

_Hope the ending won't thoroughly disappoint anyone who bothered to read all of this. I know I'm not too fond of it. I might rewrite it someday._

* * *

She's sitting on the floor, knees against her chest, hearing their voices without understanding what they could be saying. They get louder at times, and she keeps wincing. She's almost sure Shawn is the one getting upset; Hunter can be such a rock. And it's what she liked the first time she got to know him. So dependable. Always still standing when you crumble down, always helping you back on your feet.

He was there, waiting for them in the corridor, as soon as they stepped into the house. His focus immediately on Shawn. And Shawn stared at her – in such a strange way – before nervously lifting his head up when two hands fell on his shoulders and gripped them.

"You want to leave us behind, Shawn?"

She just caught a glimpse of blue eyes watering before she quickly crossed the corridor and closed the door of the living room behind her. She had felt so out of place at that moment, always kind of did when Hunter looked at Shawn that way. Always felt there was something too special there for her to comprehend, something that lived through so many years. And now, all she can think of is that because of her, because of her that special something is threatened.

Or, Shawn thinks it is.

One voice got louder again. And then...

She tries to open the door without a sound. Doesn't really hear any from where they are either. Breathing...

Still on the floor she bends forward, sees them. Hugging like they always do. And with Shawn in his arms he always looks that much more protective. So dependable.  
And Shawn's face is trapped between Hunter's hands now – the way she always does – but it's not to take in the beauty or lovingly scratch the stubble, no. He goes forward until Shawn's back touches the wall, and gazes at him a moment. Never looking angry. Always looking at him that special way.

His voice is low, and Stephanie can only understand a few words. Almost sure 'love' was one of them. And then he's kissing him, the way she'll never be able to. She has the passion, doesn't have the force.  
Approaches them, almost crawling, while Hunter repeats what he said and latches on Shawn's neck.

_I'll make you love me_

But _he loves you already_, she thinks. Maybe just forgot how much. Because of...

"Think you can live without me, Shawn?" Not an accusation.

Stephanie whispers a 'no', along with Shawn. He's looking so lost.  
And she retreats back to the other room slowly, watching them. Watching as Shawn returns those kisses and is eventually carried – the way he carries her, always – and Hunter starts walking down the corridor, arms firm around him. Walks up the stairs. She can't really see either of their faces.

And then there's only silence. Compared to all the yells and harsh breathing there was before, it's almost deafening. She wants to go _(run)_ upstairs too. Watches as Hunter fixes everything.

Like he always does.

Once again, she's reminded of those times; when they weren't all three together, when feelings were just a mash of _should_ and _shouldn't_. It's like they all walked backwards.  
Back to that day Shawn looked at her from the other side of the room with that particular look, and her heart jumped. That day their lips brushed for the first time, and she had to talk to Hunter afterwards, just had to tell what mistake she did.  
And when Shawn saw Hunter walking towards him that other day, such a nervous look on his face before they started talking about things, things unsaid for the past ten years. And they all wondered, is it possible? Would it be worthwhile?

And she fell in love so quickly. Doesn't know when he did.  
Maybe just now. Maybe 'I love you more' is just an 'I love you' he's not aware of. Thinks he already knows what it feels like.  
At least, she does. She does know she loves them both in that different way...

Or maybe, she's also fooling herself.

_It could get worse. _She squeezes her eyes shut, burries her head in her arms. He's right.

She's that capricious kid, and Shawn is in fact no better. Both all excited to have something new, all excited to have a shared secret.  
That is what's happening, isn't it?

She quickly stands up and makes her way towards the first floor, towards their bedroom. Her steps barely making sound.  
The sunlight doesn't fully reach the outside of the rooms – only tracing a few lines on the floor – and she's plunged in cool darkness. Keeps going forward, the room is right in front of her. Its door half-opened. And from where Stephanie stands, can hear the moans, the noise of the springs. Can see Shawn's hand gripping the sheets. She knows it' s his; smaller, thinner. Naturally tanned. No ring. _No ring..._

And doesn't think she can make him clutch onto the sheets like that. She has the passion, doesn't have the force.

This time Shawn's voice is not the only one getting louder. She decides to wait. Shawn waking Hunter up in his own special way, letting them wake up as alone as they can be, it has nothing to do with that, nothing at all. It's been a long time, she realizes. Too long. So Shawn forgot how much...

All sounds fade, after a while. The hand moves out of her view, and she just listens to the soft spoken words.

Her own hand pushes the door lightly, but she doesn't step in yet. Can see more of Shawn, now; out of breathe, clinging to Hunter.

_I love you more_

But he never clings to her like that.

And if the problem really is the excitement of having something new, the weird excitement of having a secret, of going unnoticed in dark closets, it won't get worse if none of that is anymore.  
She already wondered, not so long ago. When he tried to hold her hand, when they left Hunter behind... for what ended up being sex in the tiny invisible office. Forgetting about everything, giving up everything; just to publicly love him. Would be able to yell the words instead of merely mouthing them, to hold hands, to kiss and linger seconds, minutes, hours too long. And meanwhile, if the wrong people see; the gaze of others, the judgement, the chaos that would ensue. Would it be worthwhile?

Through her train of thoughts she can hear Shawn's voice. "I'm sorry..."

Hunter sits up, he's still clinging to him. Speaks again, not much louder than before, and she steps forward to hear a little better. "I'm just afraid I'll stop caring someday and..and...and I'll want to make her choose and...I don't really want to leave you but if it's...what..I have to do, then..." She can hear is voice waver.

"Don't be an idiot." He still doesn't sound angry. "You think you'd ditch me right now, but..." Lays back down, taking Shawn with him. "..count on me to change that." And she watches as they kiss, for a long time. Doesn't move from her spot near the door.

"But I..." He turned his head and saw her. Focusing on her now. Blue eyes all shiny with tears that didn't fall.

Hunter seems oblivious to her presence still, busy kissing any patch of Shawn's skin. "Think you can't love me as much as you love her, Shawn?"

Keeps looking at her. "That's...that's what I'm afraid of." She smiles at him, shakes her head a little.

"It won't get worse, Shawnie... I'll make it better." Always fixes everything.

"And what if it does? What if she wants to go with me?"

And for the first time, the first time in forever, it's sadness she sees on Hunter's face. So rare. Shouldn't happen. "Would that make you happy?"

"No, I don't want to do that to you !"

"No need to be afraid then." The sadness is gone. "She's just freaking out each time she thinks you want to leave." And now the tone is less gentle. "She loves us both, Shawn."

"I do." She didn't speak in hushed tones, and her voice almost resonates through the entire room. "I thought about..." Goes and kneels next to the bed. "What if we're less discreet, what if I let you...hold my hand and kiss me and..."

"If people see that..."

"I don't care about people !"

"Stephanie..." It's a melody again.

And Hunter is just looking at them, from above. The adult looking at the two bickering kids.

"You don't love me more. Y-you think you do." His eyes widen a little at that, and a few tears finally fall. "Because it's all new, because I paid so much attention to you..." Because she was scared that would happen. How ironic. "Why don't you want to wait and see?"

"You rather escape than face the problems, uh." Hunter's voice never stopped being low, and he shifts his face closer to Shawn's. "You know I'll help you. I said I'll change that." Runs his hand through Shawn's hair. "You won't break us up, Shawnie." Lips brush.

And she feels out of place again. Should let Hunter fix everything, alone. For now. But never stands up in the end, Shawn's hand grabbing her shirt as soon as she starts moving away. Hunter does, though; stand up. And leaves the room with a sigh, seemingly just for a moment.

Her eyes set on Shawn's. "You're staying with us?"

Shuddering breathe. "To...wait and see. I guess." She doesn't dare to let relief wash over her yet.

A long pause. He stopped looking at her. And so quietly, "you said you'd go with me."

It's a while before she can utter anything. "I..I was scared..Hunter told you, I—"

"I really wouldn't break you up then." And he's suddenly smiling a little.

Doesn't know if that smile is all genuine – it's bitter, if anything – but will have to settle for it. It's better, so much better than nothing. "You wouldn't." And she smiles back. That's what he's the most afraid of, after all. It seems.  
He obviously wants to add something, but stays silent. She's not going to push him. Keeps smiling at him, as she hears Hunter's steps behind her.

*

Few people glanced their way. And _thank God_, because she likes it too much here, in his arms. They're as warm as ever. She doesn't want to move. And her hand is playing with Shawn's fingers, not so subtly. She doesn't want to stop.  
He's standing next to them, as near as he can, almost leaning on Hunter; and, of course, folks passing by can't start assuming things. It's Shawn and Hunter, they've always been close, they've always been touchy-feely – and the rumors stopped flying years ago. They've always had that special thing. It's somehow big and obvious enough to hide their hands touching.

Shawn is smiling way more often, but it sometimes lacks the spark, the one that should always be there – lessens the perfection of it. Stephanie isn't as worried, though; it'll work out. They'll work.  
They work already, she keeps telling herself.

Fully grasps his hand, trying to entwine the fingers, and – after looking around quickly, wondering if he should dare – he brings hers to his lips, for a long moment. Sweet one.  
And there's that barely hidden longing in his eyes.  
She likes to ignore it. They need to ignore it. There's always a problem to ignore, it seems. But, she said she'd change. To fix everything. To fix them. So she pulls away from Hunter slowly, with a midly apologetic smile – even if he doesn't mind one second. Shawn looks hesitant still; but as soon as her head is resting on his shoulder, she's held tight _(too tight)._ And that only gives her _(them)_ that never fading thrill. It's still a secret they're sharing, and revealing bits of it in plain day (even if the arena is emptying already) is still exciting to the kids.

He still thinks he loves her more, probably. Never mentions it (outloud).

She likes to ignore it.

And she notices Hunter's hand on the other shoulder, then sliding lower, and the arms around her loose their grip a little. Hears the whispers, whatever Hunter is murmuring in Shawn's ear. Sweet things.  
His warmth envelops them both. He's holding them together, complete them _(three's completion)_, perfect them _(three's perfection)_.

She can close her eyes and (try to) stop worrying too much.

They'll fix everything.


End file.
